Someone close to me died recently. Here are a few of the things I learnt:
Diagnosis is far worse than death.
Sort out your will. Also: sort out a lasting power of attorney, a potted biography, who is going to do the eulogy and what music, hymns and readings you want at your funeral.
Dying people like visitors.You can’t be sad all the time.
Not everyone wants to die at home.
While this is not the occasion to indulge in NHS bashing, let us say it did not exactly cover itself in glory. Honourable exception: district nurses.
Downturns can happen very quickly.
It sounds obvious, but medical professionals have to be, well, professional. They cannot afford to get emotionally involved. This means that sometimes you don’t pick up on the gravity of the situation.
Pain control is not as simple as you might think.
Brace yourself when you hear the word “Midazolam”.
Most people don’t get a chance to utter dying words. And they’re probably not that profound anyway.
If death is swift, if there is time to talk, if caring is not a burden, if there was nothing anyone could have done, then you are lucky. You won’t think it of course.
A lot of the stress and exhaustion comes from not knowing what you’re doing. Give yourself a break. You’re probably doing much better than you think.
The dead look quite different from the living and the change takes place instantaneously.
If you can, try to close their eyes and mouth.
Some of you may be thinking that if someone is dying it would be a hoot to borrow their car and drive like a loon safe in the knowledge that the points would end up on their licence. This would be illegal. And very, very naughty.
When someone dies there is so much to do you don’t have time to grieve.
Everyone wants a death certificate. Everyone.
You can talk to the grieving but steer clear of jokes or flippancy.
Undertakers are useful. There is a lot that goes into a funeral.
I am glad I went to the Chapel of Rest. I have no idea why.
Pallbearers can be hard to find in England.
It’s the day after the funeral that really hurts.
Most of the deceased’s things will end up in the bin.
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